I. Got. Dude’d.

I saw prospective # 2 last week. Haraam, yeah ok we’ve already been through that.

General summary: ....

That’s right, my mind is blank. How about bodily reactions? Well. There were no bonkers butterflies having a party in my stomach, no accelerated heart rate, no overwhelming desire to vomit due to nervousness.

Prospective 2 and I get on like a house on fire, he ticks all my non-existent wish list boxes and boxes that I didn’t even know I had. So, why is my brain pulling a blankie? This is a conundrum and brings to mind prospective #3’s question of: how do you know when you have found the right person. Seemingly, prospective 2 is a potential ‘right person’. Out of all the guys who are battling with each other to win over my hand in marriage *cough* he comes out as the clear leader in the race. Or is he? He rejected the qualities that define me the most...

 I suspect this may be down to my brain, somewhere deep down inside, not through insecurity but through observation, realising that the feeling may not be mutual and that despite all the box-ticking that he may not be right for me (or actually, I for him).  I have been referred to as ‘dude’ since our second meeting. I. Got. Dude’d. Yet other behaviours on his part suggest that I have not been totally struck off his radar- for example, making plans to hang out again. (But isn’t that what friends do?)

Then again I refuse to go down that awful route of interpreting ‘the signs’. Once more, I refer you to: He’s Just Not That In To You.  Before meeting him I prayed about being given a sign as to whether prospective 2 was the right guy or not (fickle prayer, I know). I got no signs as to either. That’s fair enough. Either I am too blind to see them or must accept that not all prayers are answered. Maybe my apathy towards the situation is the sign? Maybe I’m just protecting myself.

Well, I’ll be seeing him again in a few weeks. I don’t want to totally write him off, as I am still teetering on the idea that if he turns around and decides that he wants to do this then my butterflies, heart rate and nausea might kick in. I’m in no rush. Let’s see how this goes. 

On re-thinking wish lists...

Prospective 4 (motherland guy): was supposed to meet him last week but decided to rearrange because a) he informed me at the last minute of his availability and frankly by that point I had made other plans b) I’m not massively keen so wouldn’t drop my plans to go see him and c) because arranging a mutually agreeable time would have been far easier if my parents didn’t insist on all communication going through them.

Dad: when are you free? Me: I am free Monday-Wednesday in two weeks. Dad: She’s free Monday-Wednesday in two weeks. Prospective # 4: I can only do Friday in 3 weeks. Dad: He’s only free on Friday in 3 weeks. Me: I can’t do Friday in 3 weeks but I can do Tuesday in 4 weeks. Aargrhfhsfhsdkf.

Whilst I appreciate what my parents are doing, (I do I do I do, trust me) the old -skool ways of communicating just do not work. The above conversation took 3 weeks to happen between the 3 of us. Ridiculous. Just give me his number, let me text him some dates.  What do they think is going to happen? Elope on the basis that I fall in love with him via the medium of Short Message Service? Ergh. Anyhow, these communication shenanigans now render prospective #4 in last place. Because, you know- guys are like competing to marry me.

On a slightly more positive note: Prospective 3 (online guy) and I, have epic email chemistry. Epic. Like he writes an essay. I respond with an essay that like trumps the length of his essay. Then he like totally writes multiple essays in multiple emails. I like get confused and send bullet-points.  It’s like epic!

He is both interested (as made clear by his bombardment of questions r.e. yours truly) and interesting (active, intelligent, seemingly willing to try almost everything and anything, and from what I can tell, a practising Muslim). Physically: not my type. At all. ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’ bla bla bla etc. And I’m not. I am making an observation. That’s all. His personality shines through his writing and for now, I is liking what I see (read).

Selfishly, prospective # 3 is serving another purpose. He challenges me on the most basic attitudes towards finding a partner in Islam. Basic -because these really are attitudes/ assumptions/ preconceptions that I, the supposedly insightful one, should have thought about in advance of my quest. But in the thick of it - I can’t see the wood from the trees. Or is it trees from the wood? Basically, I’m blind as a bat. With some minimal sonar action to make sure I don’t bump into trees. The trees that are in the wood... that wood that I can’t see. (Ssh, stop talking).

His latest profound question includes: how will you know when you’ve found the right person. O. God. Why do I not know the answer to this?! Note his previous profound statement was:  what do I hope for from a marriage. Apparently I didn’t/ don’t know the answer to that one either.

No but seriously like: how will I know?  What is the answer to this? Is this why people have those wish lists: OK, so congratulations, you scored the highest on my wish list. Now, I suggest you bind yourself to me in the eyes of the Lord and the law. Or is there some sort of mysterious sympathetic nervous system activation that I’m supposed to look out for: OK my heart rate has gone up. There is definitely some sort of airborne-organism  flying around in my stomach, probably a butterfly.  Yes, he must be the one. Man, I get that sensation every time I smell my mum’s cooking.

 Maybe I do need a list? Or maybe do some research and speak to people who have successfully gone through this process?  ‘On a scale of 1 (not at all) – 10 (very), how confident are you that you made the right decision in your choice of partner?’

I’m a little terrified about just settling. Must figure out how I can avoid settling. I can say with some (unfortunate) certainty that settling, in my case, would most likely conclude in divorce.