Getting yer act together

Prospective #2 got married?!?!???!!!!!?!!!!??!?!

I discovered this through one of those social networking sites one fine morning before work. This resulted in screaming 'what!?' in pitches that I could never reach in choir practice and in a variety of locations- you know- just to sound check on the acoustics in the car, the shower, and very quietly in the toilets at work.

Was I screaming because I wanted to be the one getting legally tied down to him? No. How, in the six months since we were last in touch, did prospective 2 acquire his life long partner? How?

How did he get his act together??????

After finding a dear friend (instead of empty rooms) to scream at/with, some fine advice was given:

Just because you get married does not mean you have your act together.

Boom.

Of course I wish #2 all the best etc etc but in summary, just because I am NOT married does not mean I haven't got my act together either.

I find that I am succumbing to the humanity of this experience rather than turning to Allah. Hmm. I stopped praying for anything marriage related a while ago and instead fester in despondency, which unfortunately seems to be serving an unhealthy function for me.

It seems easier to turn to the community and go along with their 10 year theory about me not wanting to get married than it is to continue to look for someone and turn to the community and go no one wants to spend more than 1-5 hours meeting with me let alone sign a binding contract!

Whilst this is all grossly emo I never forget that I have a roof over my head, a fantastic job, the best friends and family, and a body that for the most part is totally working mA!

Maybe my next step is to actually understand what it means to get married for the sake of Allah versus selfish needs. Right?

Freshie McFreshster

The ironic gun-of-life hits me with a spray of bullet points:

- set up with freshie (ok he's lived here for 10 years...)
- i thought what the hec no way
- then i thought o whatever it can't hurt to try
- receive epic emails from freshie
- receive epic texts from freshie
- have epic phone calls with freshie
- have hands down the best face to face 5 hour long o wow found one of my 10000 soul mates  conversation
- receive epic non rejection text afterwards (first time ever)
- receive epic banter texts
- receive news that freshie wants to move back to motherland
- contemplate moving to motherland
- contemplate self harm in fried chicken shop
- contemplate using womanly charm to challenge his view on moving to motherland
- incur wrath of Allah for considering use of womanly charm
- receive news that his parents want him back
- mmm fried chicken
- contemplate how i have never connected with a guy before in this way
- recontemplate moving to motherland
- reflect on possibility of raising children in a conflict zone
- re re contemplate moving to motherland
- my parents against move to motherland
- realise the situation is ridiculous
- no further contact between me and freshie mcfreshster
-fried chicken. Fried mars bar. Fried milk. Fried crack.


Major learning point: freshies are ok

Major regret: i would prefer to have not had hope dangle its wretched carrot in my face. Damn you hope. Damn  you.

In other news,  I am having a set up with:
- non freshie
- worse email ever (arrogant)
- worse texts ever (selfish)
-worst phone call ever (aspergers  meets selfish meets arrogant)

Maybe he will be better in person iA?

u-g-l-y I really don't have an alibi

So. Guess what? I have a suprise for you and hey, it was a suprise for me too.

Turns out I am judgemental. If you had already picked up on this in my earlier posts then a) you get a prize- please comment on this post to receive said prize and b) why didn't you tell me?! Man I thought I was so PC. So into diversity. So fighting the underdog's corner. So not judgemental...

I succumbed to the lure of another online site and came across a lovely gentleman who unlike the others- you know, the 'hi salm wnt 2chat.intrsted i ur profil' types, was actually able to sustain a conversation. In fact, and I'm just gonna come out and say it- he could keep up with me. *GASP* You arrogant moron!!! No no- just self aware of my borderline ADHD. (Trust me. I'm a catch).

Now, I hadn't put up a profile pic- mostly because I don't want the brothers to gawk over my clear resemblance to angelina jolie. Neither had the lovely gentleman. What am I on now- prospective #5?

We decide to meet. Im sat in a high street chain 'bound to go bust in favour of made-to-order coffee off amazon.com' coffee shop. Twiddling my thumbs. Casually looking over some easy to digest lefty news website, and in walks the only other brown dude in the village. Please don't be him. Please don't be him.

Crap it's him.

On being crude: 8/10 personality. 1/10 me being attracted to him. Communicated for a day after meeting and then it fizzled out. So hopefully the feeling was mutual. Now- my standards, visually, when it comes to men are pretty low. I am a total sucker for the fat balding types. Again, I direct your attention to James Gandolfini. But despite the epic firework display in our conversation he just wasn't fat or bald or gandolfanythini enough for me. Me so clever- see what I did there? ;)

I surprised myself. I never expected to be in a position where I wasn't a fan of da man. I suppose I have an in-built schema that it would always be the other way round. Once again I say: cue tiny tiny violin.