On re-thinking wish lists...

Prospective 4 (motherland guy): was supposed to meet him last week but decided to rearrange because a) he informed me at the last minute of his availability and frankly by that point I had made other plans b) I’m not massively keen so wouldn’t drop my plans to go see him and c) because arranging a mutually agreeable time would have been far easier if my parents didn’t insist on all communication going through them.

Dad: when are you free? Me: I am free Monday-Wednesday in two weeks. Dad: She’s free Monday-Wednesday in two weeks. Prospective # 4: I can only do Friday in 3 weeks. Dad: He’s only free on Friday in 3 weeks. Me: I can’t do Friday in 3 weeks but I can do Tuesday in 4 weeks. Aargrhfhsfhsdkf.

Whilst I appreciate what my parents are doing, (I do I do I do, trust me) the old -skool ways of communicating just do not work. The above conversation took 3 weeks to happen between the 3 of us. Ridiculous. Just give me his number, let me text him some dates.  What do they think is going to happen? Elope on the basis that I fall in love with him via the medium of Short Message Service? Ergh. Anyhow, these communication shenanigans now render prospective #4 in last place. Because, you know- guys are like competing to marry me.

On a slightly more positive note: Prospective 3 (online guy) and I, have epic email chemistry. Epic. Like he writes an essay. I respond with an essay that like trumps the length of his essay. Then he like totally writes multiple essays in multiple emails. I like get confused and send bullet-points.  It’s like epic!

He is both interested (as made clear by his bombardment of questions r.e. yours truly) and interesting (active, intelligent, seemingly willing to try almost everything and anything, and from what I can tell, a practising Muslim). Physically: not my type. At all. ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’ bla bla bla etc. And I’m not. I am making an observation. That’s all. His personality shines through his writing and for now, I is liking what I see (read).

Selfishly, prospective # 3 is serving another purpose. He challenges me on the most basic attitudes towards finding a partner in Islam. Basic -because these really are attitudes/ assumptions/ preconceptions that I, the supposedly insightful one, should have thought about in advance of my quest. But in the thick of it - I can’t see the wood from the trees. Or is it trees from the wood? Basically, I’m blind as a bat. With some minimal sonar action to make sure I don’t bump into trees. The trees that are in the wood... that wood that I can’t see. (Ssh, stop talking).

His latest profound question includes: how will you know when you’ve found the right person. O. God. Why do I not know the answer to this?! Note his previous profound statement was:  what do I hope for from a marriage. Apparently I didn’t/ don’t know the answer to that one either.

No but seriously like: how will I know?  What is the answer to this? Is this why people have those wish lists: OK, so congratulations, you scored the highest on my wish list. Now, I suggest you bind yourself to me in the eyes of the Lord and the law. Or is there some sort of mysterious sympathetic nervous system activation that I’m supposed to look out for: OK my heart rate has gone up. There is definitely some sort of airborne-organism  flying around in my stomach, probably a butterfly.  Yes, he must be the one. Man, I get that sensation every time I smell my mum’s cooking.

 Maybe I do need a list? Or maybe do some research and speak to people who have successfully gone through this process?  ‘On a scale of 1 (not at all) – 10 (very), how confident are you that you made the right decision in your choice of partner?’

I’m a little terrified about just settling. Must figure out how I can avoid settling. I can say with some (unfortunate) certainty that settling, in my case, would most likely conclude in divorce.