Ahh rumination, how you plague me so...

I am wondering why my encounter with prospective #2  keeps cropping up every now and again in moments where my mind decides to go for a bit of a wander.I suspect it may have something to do with the confusion surrounding his comments. 

What do you do when someone has ‘a problem’ with what are technically some of your better attributes? If it was the other end of the spectrum: if I was insecure, had no motivation and frankly was a bit of a bum, I’d get it. Those qualities are not the most appealing in other people and probably not what the majority of individuals would want in a prospective partner (NB I have no data to back up this notion, but instead, a strong but statistically insignificant suspicion). And whilst not the most appealing qualities, I don’t think that any one of those is a deal-breaker. Maybe the combination wouldn’t be so great- but hey, we’re a dynamic species and the whole point of getting married is to change your partner into something idealistic and perfect so that you can package them into a plastic box and bring them out the display cabinet when guests come over... 

Then again, here I am making the assumption that my 'better' qualities are in fact 'better'. Better than what, exactly? Therein, perhaps, lies my problem. 

I think I might be frustrated because I wasn’t given an opportunity to qualify those characteristics. Being comfortable with myself is a novel experience for me too. I suppose in a way I have always been confident, but have battled with self-comfortableness since the age of 14 (cue tiny violin- *pop psychology alert*- no but seriously, who hasn’t?!) In fact, this battle was particularly horrendous during my early 20’s (cue slightly larger violin and a trumpet). Had he met me only 6 months earlier, I perhaps would have been in the low to normal range of self-comfortableness.

As for being driven... I don’t know what to do with that. Again, 6 months earlier and I would have been a lot wobblier on this topic. (Why the fixation on 6 months earlier and me being a semi-emotional wreck? Has my brain somehow computed this me-6-months-ago-persona as more appealing? Damn you brain and your illogical ways!!).

I’m certainly no career maniac, will not be freezing my eggs to have babies after I’ve reached CEO somewhere in my 50s, and have a healthy level of competitiveness that definitely does not involve recruiting the mafia to top-off my competitors (but may be willing to partake in them having a mysterious staircase-related accident). I just want to help a lot of people.  That’s all. If I manage to do it- great. If I decide I want to be a full time mum and devote my energy to supporting my kids rather than the rest of the world-great. If it all goes pear-shaped and I end up in something totally off the wall- great. Whatever happens, happens: courtesy of Allah SWT.

So in addressing: What do you do when someone has ‘a problem’ with what are technically some of your supposed better attributes? Hmm, not sure. Maybe there is nothing you can do. But I will pray and leave this in Allah’s hands. 

Although, before I stop rambling, let me just have my bitter whiny girly moment (doesn’t matter how awesome you are, we all do it...) : I think I may (finally) understand why some of my friends/ colleagues/ acquaintances who are accomplished young women act like total ditz’s around men. I get it. I question it, strongly question it. But I get it. I just don’t quite have the girly giggle to pull it off myself.